On Grief

As I was reflecting on the last two years, I realized that I have spent the majority of my time grieving for my mom's deep loss and grieving for my boys.  It actually takes my breath away to think that my dad was only here for one of my sons' birthdays....Beau's second birthday.  Palmer will not have any memories of my dad.  He does have the special pictures of meeting him as a two day old baby, and those are priceless.  I can barely even fathom it but Rhodes won't even have any pictures of them together.  What a deep responsibility and joy it will be to pass down stories of my dad to keep his legacy alive.  

Speaking of stories, take time to write them down.  This is really a goal of mine for 2015.  Write down family stories that you don't want to forget.  I definitely know a handful of stories from my dad's childhood, but I wish I had written down more.  What was his favorite subject in school?  What was his favorite meal as a child?  What was life like in college? If you have living grandparents or parents, take time to write down or record their stories.  Ask them to write down stories for you.  It will take time.  It may even seem like a "chore."  But it will be worth it.   

My mom and I have both been blessed with an amazing support system of friends and family.  Those who seem to call or text or send a note at just the right time.  But as I've walked through grief with my mom, I've also noticed many people seem to somewhat disappear when you have experienced deep loss.  Honestly, sometimes people really just don't know what to say.  Your words and my words don't have to be perfect, just say something.  I now know the deep overwhelming grief that comes with the death of a father, so I can turn an empathic ear to others in that situation.  But I have no idea what it feels like to lose a spouse or child or mother or sibling or best friend.  While I can't take pain away from others, I  am learning to do something.  I don't have to say the right words or give the right gift or show up at the right time.  But I am learning to say something, give something, show up.

And I can always pray.  I can always pray for the Lord to show up in a miraculous way and hold those who mourn in the palm of his hand and make his presence known to them.
  
Sometimes people are afraid to say anything after a loss because they don't want to bring it up and make the griever more sad.  From my experience, acknowledging the grief doesn't make the person experiencing the loss more "sad" because it is probably already on his or her mind constantly.  If anything, acknowledging the loss is beneficial.  When people tell my mom stories about my dad, it makes her feel like his life still matters.  His legacy is still alive.  Generations are still experiencing the ripple effect of his great love.

Everyone will grieve differently and there is no right or wrong way.  Some like to talk it out.  And others like to process internally.

Today as I celebrate my dad's life and legacy, I pray I can love like he did.

If you have living parents, call them today and tell them you love them and ask them to share a story that you might not know.  And then write it down.

The Lord has recently reminded me of Psalm 27:13.

I am confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  

I'm no Bible scholar, but I love Jesus and I think it is normal and natural to feel a longing for Heaven after a deep loss.  I long to be reunited with my dad.  But, I am reminded in Psalm 27 of the promise of goodness here in this life.  There is much goodness here.

Love you dad!